The Ersatz Elevtor

Written by: Lemony Snicket

First line: The book you are holding in your two hands right now—assuming that you are, in fact, holding this book, and that you have only two hands—is one of two books in the world that will show you the difference between the word "nervous" and the word "anxious."

Why you should read this book: In this installment of the Beaudalaire's terrible lives, the orphans find themselves in a fashionable penthouse under the stylish guardianship of the city's sixth most important financial advisor. Searching for the Quagmire triplets while eluding the grasp of the horrible Count Olaf consumes all the time they have to spare from considering things that are in and things that are out. Adventures, inventions, books, and biting, secret passages, desperate treachery, and a fancy auction figure prominently in these pages.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You're afraid of falling into a dark hole.