Salome's Last Dance

Written by: Daria Tessler

First line: Unfulfilled? Success got you down?

Why you should read this book: A con man inexplicably posing as a psychologist and his sort of daft partner embark on an inexplicable con in an attempt to learn the secret to a magician's dancing dog. After dosing their mark and themselves with psychedelics, they are able to enter their victim's brain and explore the inexplicable mindscape. When they finally discover Salome the dancing dog deep within the meat of the magician's mind, the magician has a few more tricks up his sleeve.

Why you shouldn't read this book: The whole thing is inexplicable. I'm not sure I got anything out of it. 

Thirsty Mermaids

Written by: Thirst Mermaids

Why you should read this book: You just scared all the fish away, you MONSTER!

Why you should read this book: Three unusual mermaids living happily in a queerplatonic triad "pod" find themselves stranded on land after a night of drunken debauchery in which a spell to give them legs turns out to be more difficult to reverse than anticipated. With the help of a friendly bartender, they begin to learn about land customs, including wearing clothes, paying your own way, and watching DVDs. An absolutely delightful story about perseverance, love, and taking care of others while still honoring oneself.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You are offended by topless mermaids. 

Super Boba Cafe Volume 2: Home Sea Home

Written by: Nidhi Chanani

First line: Another nightmare?

Why you should read this book: Ever since she's returned home from saving her grandmother's boba cafe and her grandmother, and the city of San Francisco by figuring out a more efficient way to deliver boba to a monster living under the city, Aria has been having nightmare, which is terrible, but she's also developed the ability to waterbend, which is cooler. But she can't keep waking up in terror every night, and she knows she must return to San Francisco and see the monster under the city again. Can she learn to control her powers and figure out how to help the monster before she has to go back to Burbank?

Why you shouldn't read this book: You think people have to like boba to join the boba appreciation club. 

ESCAPE

Written by: K.R. Alexander

First line: ESCAPE YOUR TROUBLES!

Why you should read this book: Cody is obsessed with a mysterious new theme park where anything is possible and adults aren't allowed, and desperate to win the lottery to become one of 30 "normal" children who are invited to its exclusive inaugural week, along with 100 celebrity kids: actors, musicians, and influencers that everybody knows. In Charlie Bucket style, he gets his ticket at the last second, then sneaks out to ESCAPE after being grounded for being obsessed with ESCAPE, and immediately makes friends with 2 famous pop stars, Jayson and Inga, as well as finds a new enemy in another famous kid, Meg-A. But social climbing is the least of his trouble as it become abundantly clear that ESCAPE is not a fun fantasy adventure, and that its creator has not been the least bit honest about his intentions, or the kids' chances for survival.

Why you shouldn't read this book: It's lowbrow and derivative with little character development or realism, but it would be inaccurate to say it includes plot holes big enough to drive a Jeep through, because the entire story is a plot hole; I guess it could be fun for kids who like danger but it's impossible to suspend disbelief because none of this sounds remotely plausible.

The Kingdom of Almonds

Written by: Ariel Kaplan

First line: Toba Peres was born a half-Mazik in the city of Rimon, under the reign of the Emir, before he sailed away in exile.

Why you should read this book: In the final book of this trilogy set partially in Spain in the 15th century but mostly in the Mazik realm–a mirror world of magic and mystical creature based on Jewish mythology, which reflects and impacts our world–protagonists become increasingly desperate as the power hungry Tarses moves closer to his goal of world domination. Toba Bet and Naftaly visit Aravoth, the realm of the eternal, to rescue the Ziz, a giant bird they need to help raise the ancient city of Luz from the sea, while Elena, Naftaly, and the old woman scheme to free Barsilay from prison, and everyone must decide who to trust as the war closes in. A deliciously satisfying and fast-paced conclusion to an epic fantasy tale.

Why you shouldn’t read this book: Even with the Dramatis Personae, list of geographical locations, and detailed map, this story is so sprawling and populated it can be difficult to keep the people and places straight.

Madeline L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time: The Graphic Novel

Written by: Hope Larson. 

First line: It was a dark and stormy night.

Why you should read this book: The Newbury-winning A Wrinkle in Time is one of the great classic science fiction stories for children, so impactful and heartfelt, fantastical in nature and yet eminently believable, but I notice it doesn't often get checked out from my library, so when I saw this adaptation, I thought perhaps it would direct kids back toward the novel. I'm ordinarily skeptical of graphic adaptations, but this one is executed with obvious love and respect and remains faithful to the source material but also shines with its own light and life as a complete, standalone work. The blue, black, and white illustrations (somehow so perfect for a story about fighting darkness) depict intense emotions and strange phenomena with simple but perfect lines.

Why you shouldn't read this book: All graphic adaptations have the effect of speeding the story up immensely (might not be a downside for some readers). 

The Salt Princess

Written by: Anoosha Syed

First line: Under a sky studded with diamond, surrounded by hills as green as emeralds, lived four princesses in the Kingdom of Zammarud.

Why you should read this book: Princess Amal, the youngest of four sisters, is funny and free and loves pranks and says exactly what she thinks, which, everyone predicts, will get her in trouble one day. And one day it does, when her father is so deeply and publicly embarrassed by her plain spokenness that he banishes her. Fortunately, in her banishment she meets and falls in love with a handsome prince who encourages her to think up a new prank, one to make her father see how much she loves him.

Why you shouldn't read this book: It's presented as being a traditional Pakistani story, but it's also a traditional European story most fairy tale aficionados have read before and this version does not seem to bring anything different for the tradition. 

Garlic and the Vampire

Written by: Bree Paulsen

First line: I tried to wake you so it's your fault if you're late today. 

Why you should read this book: Garlic, an anthropomorphic vegetable given life by Witch Agnes along with numerous other fruit and vegetable folks, is clumsy and anxious but dedicated to her work: providing garlic to the people of the village. One day, chaos and terror arrives in the form of a vampire inhabiting an ancient castle in the woods, and the other vegetables decide that Garlic, who naturally repels vampires, must go into the woods to investigate. Can Garlic overcome her fear and anxiety and defeat an enemy whose name strikes fear into her heart in this cozy tale of unearned terror? 

Why you shouldn't read this book: It's a little bit silly, even for a children's vampire story.

Shanghai Immortal

Written: A. Y. Chao

First line: The steaming Shanghai night drapes heavy over my bare shoulders. 

Why you should read this book: Fast paced, luscious, fresh, and edgy, this is the story of Lady Jing, bad girl half-vampire half-fox spirit, consigned to live under the thumb of the King of Hell (Chinese version) since her grandmother's court rejected her outright as an abomination and her mother subsequently abandoned her. Devoted to rejecting tradition and making trouble, her life is upended the day she's commanded to escort a living mortal through Hell (the King of Hell needs advice on creating a viable banking system) and ends up sent to the mortal realm for her own protection. Jazz age Shanghai is a new world, where Lady Jing discovers she has friends, mortal and otherwise, and devotes herself to unraveling the conspiracy that catapulted her from the world where she endured for ninety years, just in time to finally grow up. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You aren't stirred by the idea of a half-vampire half-demon in a world that blends Chinese mythology with the advances of the early twentieth century. 

Station Eternity

Written by: Mur Lafferty

First line: Nobody ever believed murders "just happened" around Mallory Viridian.

Why you should read this book: This fun near-future science fiction murder mystery takes place primarily on the sentient space station where Mallory has fled to escape the constellation of murders that seem to happen all around her on Earth, where nobody believes they're not her fault even though she always finds the real killer. Surely the curse cannot follow her across the cosmos if she's only one of three humans on board, but her peace of mind is shattered when she learns that more earthlings are on their way. Suddenly, she's surrounded by death and mayhem again, and needs to use all her resources to unravel a series of mysteries and save the lives of every life on the station, including the station itself.

Why you shouldn't read this book: There are a couple main characters and many supporting characters, and the narrative perspective shifts frequently, often giving entire chapters to the point of view of a minor character for an entire chapter, which, to me, can be jarring. 

The Bog Wife

Written by: Kay Chronister

First line: On winter nights, the burned heavy bundles of dried peat in the hearth and inhaled the scent of sacred ground burning while their father paced the length of the room, reciting the history of the Haddesley compact.

Why you should read this book: All their lives, the young adult Haddlesley children have been taught to honor the ancient compact between their family and their bog, which every generation offers up one magical wife to the eldest son, to continue the family line. But their vague, eldritch bog mother has mysteriously vanished, and one of the siblings has fled the land, and there are increasing doubts about the eldest son's suitability to serve as patriarch, and meanwhile, in true southern gothic fashion, the weight of their own history is literally crushing the family home. Naturalistic and supernatural, this delightful novel chronicles the breakdown of old family narratives about power and responsibility.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You believe everything your parents told you despite all evidence to the contrary. 

Proud Knight, Fair Lady: The Twelve Lais of Marie de France

Written by: Naomi Lewis and Angela Barrett

First line: You know that in bygone times the Bretons made lays of the happenings in their land.

Why you should read this book: Over 800 years ago, French and British nobility went crazy for these fantastic stories of brave knights and fair maidens and bold romance and strange magic. Written in the twelfth century, but ostensibly based on older oral musical tradition, these "lays" offer a fairy tale picture of a nearly forgotten aesthetic of courtly love, which faithful knights should offer to beautiful ladies, without expectation of reciprocation (but with interesting results when it was returned). Including ancient examples of tropes known to modern readers (an adventure set in King Arthur's court, a werewolf hell bent on vengeance, twins separated at birth) and offering salacious details of forbidden intimacy, tragic deaths, and joyful reunions, these twelve historical tales still resonate with readers ready to step outside standard fare. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You are a jealous old man who married a beautiful young woman and then locked her away from the world but are still convinced she's betraying you. 

Grimericks

Written by: Susan Pearson and Gris Grimly

First line: Dear Reader, please lend me your ear

Why you should read this book: A cute little gothy kids' book featuring twenty moderately amusing limericks about various creepy subjects (ghosts, ghouls, witches, and so on). The rhymes are clearly just vehicles for the delightfully demented illustrations of black cats with mismatched eyes, dead little girls with birds nesting in their hair, and so on. Perfect for big kids with dark senses of humor. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You don't think there's anything funny about death. 

The Neverending Story

Written by: Michael Ende

First line: This inscription could be seen on the glass door of a small shop, but naturally this was only the way it looked if you were inside the dimly lit shop, looking out at the street through the plateglass door.

Why you should read this book: If you think you know The Neverending Story because you saw the movie eleventy billion times in the eighties, you do NOT know The Neverending Story, because that movie ends less than halfway through this novel and the author hated it so much that he sued to have his name removed from the film. In the original version, Bastian does more than hide in an attic and scream the Empress's new name; naming the Empress is his passage into a magical land (here called Fantastica) where his use of AURYN helps him overcome every one of his numerous personality flaws, transforming him into a kid who wouldn't steal an antique book from an old man or hide from his bullies all day. It's a much more expansive and intelligent story than the movie shows, and Bastian is a much more flawed hero who requires much more from Atreyu, Falkor, the Childlike Empress, and the land of Fantastica than they ever needed from him.

Why you shouldn't read this book: The narration reminds us, over and over and over, that chief among Bastian's flaws (and he's a pretty flawed person: canonically, his only redeeming characteristic is his imagination) is that he is fat and bow-legged. 

Strange Animals

Written by: Jarod K. Anderson

First line: Green died and then he didn't. 

Why you should read this book: Following a very near-death encounter with a city bus, depressed and disillusioned city-dweller Green hauls himself off to Appalachia to reconnect with nature and encounters a natural world beyond the perception of most mortals. Following a terrifying encounter with not one, but two cryptids his first night outdoors, he finds himself apprenticed to Valentina Blackwood, presumably the world's oldest cryptonaturalist, and immersed in pursuit of a deadly killer. Green can see what others cannot see, so he can do what others cannot do, and with Valentina's help, he is determined to protect the natural world.

Why you shouldn't read this book: It's a great fantasy story, but I think I enjoyed this author's nonfiction work more. 

A World Worth Saving

Written by: Kyle Lukoff

First line: "A___! It's time to go! Are your shoes on?"

Why you should read this book: This powerhouse YA novel follows A, a fourteen-year-old trans masc kid whose progressive parents want to feminize him, forcing him to attend weird, cult-like anti-trans family meetings in a church, even though they're Jewish. When Yarrow, one of A's club friends, is taken away after an outburst at the meeting, A feels compelled to investigate, and is surprised to make the acquaintance of a trash golem, whose power helps him uncover an awful conspiracy: demons who feed off human misery and other demons who feed off trans kids. Suddenly, A is on the run with a girl from his meeting, meeting other trans kids who live on the street, uncovering new friends and new enemies, with the clock counting down for him to save Yarrow and return home. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: This is among the greatest Jewish YA fantasy novels you'll ever read; if you can't handle queer content, that's your problem. 

The Return of the King

Written by: JRR Tolkien 

First line: Pippin looked out from the shelter of Gandalf's coat.

Why you should read this book: I don't know if Lord of the Rings is the greatest story ever told, but this tale of epic bravery in the face of impossible odds is certainly very high on the list. By the beginning of this third book in the trilogy, every single character is convinced that theirs is an impossible suicide mission, and despite this knowledge every single character chooses to continue on their path simply because it is the right thing to do. Good triumphs over evil, but at great cost, and while there is celebration and joy, there is no true happy every after, because everything always ends, and what has been destroyed can never return (except for Gandalf, of course). 

Why you shouldn't read this book: The poignant, gripping thread of sorrow and loss woven throughout may cause grief and nostalgia for a world that can never be.

Kiki's Delivery Service

Written by: Eiko Kadono (translated by Emily Balistrieri, illustrated by Yuta Onoda)

First line: Once, there was a little town sandwiched between a deep forest and a gentle grassy hills.

Why you should read this book: The inspiration for the fabulous Miyazaki film, this book presents a more complete picture of the little witch who must set out to support herself in a new town with only one magical power: to fly on a broom. With patience and good will and creativity, Kiki begins to win over a population of people who are suspicious of witches and unsure why they should welcome one into their town, until eventually she finds herself a popular local celebrity with lots of friends who is known for being able to solve any problem. A sweet, delightful story about independence, growing up, and love. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You can't imagine anything good about having a witch around. 

The Two Towers

Written by: JRR Tolkein

First line: Aragorn sped up the hill. 

Why you should read this book: The fellowship shattered, the remaining members go their own way: Pippin and Merry, kidnapped by the Uruk-Hai, managed to escape and make friends with an ancient, sentient, ambulatory tree, who is very interested in their story about what's happening outside the forest; Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas enjoy a few days of ultra-marathoning in pursuit of them; and Sam and Frodo head south to complete their absolutely impossible mission. With the destruction of Isengard by the Ents, the emasculation of Saruman by the very much not dead Gandalf, the rallying of various noble men to the cause, and the return of Gollum, it almost feels like the party is making progress. Then everyone goes off again on further impossible suicide missions. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: Well, you have to read the first one first. 

The Fellowship of the Ring

Written by: JRR Tolkien

First line: When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday, with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.

Why you should read this book: The story of an unassuming little halfling who leaves behind a life of comfort and ease when he inherits a weapon of mass destruction that is too powerful to even be handled by any creature with more gumption and ambition than a hobbit hits different when you are actually living in a world where a dark shadow is indeed crossing the land. Accompanied by his faithful gardener and two adventurous cousins, Frodo Baggins sets off on a very long ramble, to figure out what to do with this insidious artifact, is pursued by unspeakable terror, is aided by the forces of good, and eventually finds direction and companionship. Determined to undertake an impossible and suicidal quest for the benefit of his entire world, Frodo is the hero to inspire the least among us to strive to do great things in the face of great evil. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You don't want to read one of the greatest stories ever told.