Monster High

Written by: Lisi Harrison

First line: The fourteen-hour drive from Beverly Hills, California, to Salem, Oregon, had been total Gitmo.

Why you should read this book: Melody's parents force her to get a nose job, supposedly to help her asthma, but really because their family's only value is ageless beauty. Frankie's parents force her to wear wool pants suits and full bodied makeup because she has green skin and they want her to lead a normal life even though she's a monster they built in their home laboratory. A bunch of teenagers without enough personality to even pass as cliches roll woodenly around this nonsensical book, ostensibly worrying about clothes, boys, brand names, and identity, but in reality doing nothing more than selling plastic Mattel dolls with interchangeable body parts and outfits that would make a whore blush.

Why you shouldn't read this book: This is literally the worst book I have ever read. And I have read the entire Twilight series.