The Last Black Unicorn

Written by: Tiffany Haddish

First line: School was hard for me, for lots of reasons.

Why you should read this book: Pretty much everything that happens in the first three-quarters of this memoir is truly heartbreaking, but Haddish's comedic tendencies have a way of glossing over most of the horror of her life and forcing you to laugh at the worst things that have ever happened to her. Physical, sexual, and emotional abuse are running themes in her story, and she still manages to report the events in such a way that the reader can't help but smile. From her mother's accident and subsequent brain injury, to her experience in foster care and her terrible relationship history, the story proceeds to build upon itself until Haddish's success as a professional comedian and actress seems not only well-deserved, but also inevitable.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You've had sex with Tiffany Haddish.

Ancillary Justice

Written by: Ann Leckie

First line: The body lay naked and facedown, a deathly gray, spatters of blood staining the snow around in.

Why you should read this book: Breq has a secret: she is not human, but the last remnant of a massive, two thousand year old artificial intelligence once controlled by a colonialist space empire, and Breq has a bone to pick with that empire. She doesn't understand why she's wasting her time rescuing Seivarden Vendaai, an officer who's hit hard times after a thousand years in cryostorage, but together they make their way through a dangerous universe, with Breq's unwavering focus on her goal pushing her forward to the next danger. The plot jumps back and forth between Breq's present day (far future) journey and the events of the last thousand years that precipitated her disenchantment with the culture that created her.

Why you shouldn't read this book: The world-building is so complex that it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out what was going on and to get into the story, and I'm still not one hundred percent sure what the author is trying to do with gender here, even though it's clearly significant.

The Only Harmless Great Thing

Written by: Brooke Bolander

First line: There is a secret buried beneath the mountain's gray skin.

Why you should read this book: Slim and powerful, this fiction takes two historical truths from the early twentieth century—the radiation poisoning of girls working in a watch factory in New Jersey and the intentional electrocution of an elephant at Coney Island—and reimagines a world in which these incidents are linked and satisfyingly, if not brutally, avenged. Unfeeling bureaucracy butts up against sentience in elephants and anger in working class women in a story that bounces back and forth through time to create meaning from seemingly meaningless tragedy. This book is a swift punch to the gut, in a good way.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You scoff at the idea that animals can have feelings or feel righteous indignation.

The Book of Gold

Written by: Bob Staake

First line: Isaac Gutenberg wasn't interested in much.

Why you should read this book: It's a perfect story for modern kids, who, in my experience, often are so jaded they can't find any excitement in anything, although the story in this book is about a kid who isn't interested in anything in 1935. Somehow bored to death at the New York Public Library (for shame!) young Isaac only develops a taste for books when an old shopkeeper tells him that somewhere in the world, there is an ordinary-looking book that contains the answers to every question ever asked, and also turns to gold when you open it. Inspired by greed, the protagonist begins opening every book he can get his hands on, and over the course of seventy-five years, eventually develops and interest in the ideas that are found inside the books, becoming a very well-traveled and well-educated human being in the process.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You're tired of reshelving all the books that little kids pull out and drop on the floor without reading.

The Reptile Room

Written by: Lemony Snicket

First line: The stretch of road that leads out of the city, past Hazy Harbor and into the town of Tedia, is perhaps the most unpleasant in the world.

Why you should read this book: In the second of A Series of Unfortunate Events, the Baudelaire orphans find themselves in the charge of their ebullient Uncle Montgomery Montgomery, a renowned expert in reptiles but, sadly, not an expert in recognizing that his new assistant is actually a money-hungry alcoholic psychopath intent on stealing the children's money and murdering them, in that order. While the Baudelaires read, invent, and bite their way out of various unpleasant situations, the wicked Count Olaf perpetrates his bad disguise and evil threats and the adults who should take care of the orphans remain oblivious.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You haven't read the first one yet.

The Hidden Life of Dogs

Written by: Elizabeth Marshall Thomas

First line: I began observing dogs by accident.

Why you should read this book: Even if you're not a dog person, this foray into the subject of canine consciousness is a fascinating read, setting aside the concept of anthropomorphism and settling deeply into the examination of what dogs want once they've fulfilled all their needs. The author brings her anthropological training to the observation of dozens of animals over the space of three decades to draw back the curtain on what our best friends are really thinking as they move through the world. Detailed and accurate, this illuminating non-fiction book is often cited as one of the best modern discussions of animal intelligence.

Why you shouldn't read this book: There's a cat on your lap.

What about Me?

Written by: Ed Young

First line: Once there was a boy who wanted knowledge, but he did not know how to gain it.

Why you should read this book: Based on a Sufi legend, this parable follows a time honored tradition in discussing the pursuit of wisdom, namely that it can only be acquired through experience. When a boy asks a master for knowledge, he is sent on a journey that forces him to consider others' perspective. Thus does he gain the knowledge that he desired.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You think education involves teaching people what to think, rather than how to think.

Albie's First Word: A Tale Inspired by Albert Einstein's Childhood

Written by: Jacqueline Tourville and Wynne Evans

First line: Albie, as everyone called Albert, liked to do all the things other children did.

Why you should read this book: Long honored among the twentieth century's foremost thinkers, Albert Einstein as a child was considered an odd and detached dreamer who didn't begin to speak until he was quite a bit older than usual. This book imagines some of the remedies the doctor might have recommended to his family: exposing him to myriad new situation in an effort to force him to ask questions. It works even without an association with the great physicist, but its basis on a true story may be comforting to late bloomers everywhere.

Why you shouldn't read this book: Your kid's never had a single problem or shortcoming in life.

Ghost World

Written by: Daniel Clowes

First line: Why do you have this?

Why you should read this book: In the year after high school graduation, best friends Enid and Rebecca drift through their typical small town criticizing everything they see, denigrating the people who seem to appreciate them and chasing after the weirdest individuals they can find. Enid, who thinks she's the less pretty one of the pair, tries to figure out who she really is by changing her personal style on a regular basis; Rebecca, who thinks everyone likes her friend more, worries that Enid will ditch her for college. As Enid's quest become more distinct, what seems like an unbreakable bond with Rebecca begins to fade, and Enid starts to realize that her fate is not to spend the rest of her life putting down small town characters, but to start clean with the understanding that she doesn't, in fact, know everything.

Why you shouldn't read this book: If you're 15 you might think that being super-derogatory makes you cool. But it doesn't.

The Magician's Land

Written by: Lev Grossman

First line: The letter had said to meet in a bookstore.

Why you should read this book: In this smash-bang conclusion to the trilogy, disenfranchised and disaffected magician Quentin Coldwater tries a few followup careers to being the rightful king of a magic land, including professor of magic and thief of magical items, before settling on his great work of creating a new land. Meanwhile, back in Fillory, his friends make a futile attempt to stem the impending apocalypse, and somewhere or other, Alice is still manifesting as a vengeful spirit with a very real power to hurt people. Packed with intelligence, excitement, and invention, this is a page-turner of a novel keeps the reader suspended in a magical realm from page one, and a little reluctant to leave when the story ends.

Why you shouldn't read this book: It claims to be the last book in a trilogy, but the last chapter feels pretty much like the set up for a new trilogy.

Circus Shoes

Written by: Noel Streatfeild

First line: Peter and Santa were orphans.

Why you should read this book: It's not their fault that they are complete idiots and ridiculously snobby: Peter and Santa were raised to idiocy by their stupid, high-toned aunt, who most likely did them a favor by dying before they reached adolescence. Terrified at the thought of being sent to separate orphanages, the two children run away to find their uncle, a talented "artiste," which is to say, he performs in the circus. Thrown into an alien world where none of their prejudices make sense and none of their education comes into play, Peter and Santa must determine who they want to be, what they want to do with their lives, and how hard they're willing to work to achieve their goals.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You absolutely believe that your children are too good to talk to other people. Or go to school. Or basically do anything.

Alex and Me

 Written by: Irene M. Pepperberg

First line: How much impact could a one-pound ball of feathers have on the world?

Why you should read this book: When Pepperberg set out to test her own hypotheses on the intelligence of birds, specifically in relation to the new field of human-animal communication, she determined to keep her study scientific, and allowed a pet store employee to randomly select the African gray parrot whose quirky personality and obvious ability to reason and communicate would one day captivate the world. Alex, an intelligent and bossy bird, soon demonstrated his ability to identify colors, numbers, and objects; to understand concepts such as more, less, and same; to express his desires, insecurities, and emotions to the world; and to surprise his keepers by exhibiting talents they hadn’t taught him, such as the ability to sound out words or understand the concept of zero. After thirty years of revelation, Alex’s premature death inspired Pepperberg to set aside her scientific detachment and write the story of her relationship with a very clever bird and the way in which Alex’s talents shaped the course of her life’s work and touched her emotional core.

Why you shouldn’t read this book: This is a fast and personal narrative; readers searching for more in-depth knowledge of Alex’s training and its relevance to animals studies will want to consult some of Pepperberg’s scholarly work.

The Magician King

Written by: Lev Grossman

First line: Quentin rode a gray horse with white socks named Dauntless.

Why you should read this book: Being the king of a magical land is boring and Quentin thirsts for adventure, for something bigger than what he has, and for some way to help Julia, who's turned into a real black-clad gothic witch queen, and probably isn't quite right in the head, even if she is insanely powerful. This fast-paced sequel offers up the sumptuous detail and reframing of worlds (both real and imaginary) that made the original such a luscious read, but it refuses to offer anything predictable, or easy, or even necessarily happy. With its backstory of Julia's indoctrination into the world of magic, it's a hard-knocks counterpoint to the cheerful, theory-based education Quentin received in the first book, one that doesn't even recognize the phrase "happily ever after," and forces the reader to accept that magic is the hardest reality.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You already know how you want it to end.

Stealing Fire from Heaven: The Rise of Modern Western Magic

Written by: Nevill Drury

First line: Magical thought is commonly identified with superstition and regarded as a form of pre-science—an earlier and less sophisticated phase of human intellectual development.

Why you should read this book: Researched with loving dedication and expounded upon in depth, this book explains the modern magical revival in the west, beginning with its medieval origins and discussing Kabbalah, Freemasonry, and Rosicrucians before moving on to the Golden Dawn and Aleister Crowley. Many modern magicians and schools of thought are profiled, enabling the reader to take a broad view of paths to esoteric knowledge. Chaos Magick, Setians, techno-pagans, and magical artwork are only a few of the topics that are covered here.

Why you shouldn't read this book: The above paragraph strikes you as blasphemous.

The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary

Written by: Simon Winchester

First line: In Victorian London, even in a place as louche and notoriously crime-ridden as Lambeth Marsh, the sound of gunshots was a rare event.

Why you should read this book: A fascinating historical volume, it recounts the tale of three protagonists, two human and one comprising ideas made manifest. The Oxford English Dictionary is the most ambitious and complete catalog of the English language, which took the better part of a century to compose; its chief editor, Professor James Murray, was a determined autodidact with a single-minded devotion to the task, while one of its chief contributors, Dr. William Chester Minor, was a paranoid schizophrenic murderer who completed his work, and indeed lived more than half his life, confined to an asylum for the criminally insane. The story of these three lives (for indeed, the book has a life of its own and is very much a character in the story) unfolds with wonderful pacing, humor, sympathy, and intelligence.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You have a very small vocabulary, and you'd like to keep it that way.

The Report Card

Written by: Andrew Clements

First line: There were only about fifteen kids on the late bus because it was Friday afternoon.

Why you should read this book: Nora has an eidetic memory, remarkable spatial awareness, and an uncanny ability to analyze data, but she long ago decided to turn her remarkable genius to the task of appearing perfectly normal and average. Now, in fifth grade, this C student is ready to take a stand against the endless round of standardized testing, spelling tests, and social studies quizzes with some carefully acquired zeros. Unfortunately, she may be an off-the-charts genius, but there's no way she can hide her secret from the world and make a statement at the same time, but the question is, does she really want to go on pretending that she's not the smartest person in the room?

Why you shouldn't read this book: If there's one thing you can't stand, it's a smart alec, know-it-all pre-pubescent kid.

The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains

Written by: Nicholas Carr

First line: In 1964, just as the Beatles were launching their invasion of America's airwaves, Marshall McLuhan published Understanding Media: The Extensions of Man and transformed himself from an obscure academic into a star.

Why you should read this book: Dependence on computer technologies is changing the way humans think, perceive, and respond, and while some of these changes do seem to enrich our lives, not all of them are beneficial to mankind. The author begins by explaining how the brain works and how earlier advances in technology have changed our thought processes before sharing page after page of scientific research demonstrating that hyperlinks cause us to retain less information, Google is actively working to increase our page clicks, and that excessive dependence on the Internet is not making anyone smarter. A smart overview of a subject that is on many people's minds these days, this book neatly encapsulates the current research and distills it to its logical conclusion: that humans are not making machines more like themselves, but rather, that we are becoming more like the machines, and in doing so, losing some element of our humanity.

Why you shouldn't read this book: Too busy blogging, Skyping, checking your social networks, web surfing, and buying stuff off of Amazon.

Bootsie Barker Bites

Written by: Barbara Bottner

First line: My mother and Bootsie Barker's mother are best friends.

Why you should read this book: The child narrator is repeatedly terrorized by pint-size bully, Bootsie Barker, whose violent aggression destroys her favorite possessions and leaves her in constant fear for her physical safety. Her mother urges her to "get along" and at night she dreams of various scenarios in which Bootsie Barker might be permanently removed from her life, until the day her mother announces the wonderful surprise: that Bootsie will be sleeping over. With zero support from the adults in preserving her health, the narrator invents a new game, one that will turn the tables on Bootsie, teach her the meaning of fear, and cause her to refuse to spend another minute in the house.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You are a carnivorous dinosaur.

The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark

Written by: Carl Sagan

First line: It was a blustery fall day in 1939.

Why you should read this book: Popular and charismatic scientist, author, and television personality, Carl Sagan bemoans the gullibility of modern audiences and advocates greater funding for science education and experimentation as a bulwark against ignorance, superstitious hysteria, and pseudoscience. Along the way, he advocates for the scientific method, debunks most every popular belief about aliens, UFOs, and New Age thinking, and includes, for the reader's convenience, his "Baloney Detection" kit: a detailed explanation of various types of logical fallacies that impede intelligent thinking about the world. Advocating for equal parts wonder and skepticism, this book is a call for reason in an age where reason is increasingly held in disdain.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You only need one book to tell you about the nature of reality, and you think it was written by an ephemeral, bearded old white guy who lives in the sky.

Food of the Gods: the Search for the Original Tree of Knowledge a Radical History of Plants, Drugs, and Human Evolution

Author: Terence McKenna

First line: A specter is haunting planetary culture--the specter of drugs.

Why you should read this book: Provocative, controversial, and iconoclast, this book makes a compelling argument, based on detailed historic, anthropological, and archeological evidence, that ritual, ecstatic, and communal use of psilocybin, or magic mushrooms, was the primary catalyst in the transformation of human beings from mere animals to creatures capable of higher thought and complex art, culture, language, religion, and civilization. This proto-civilization edenic past for which we still yearn, a matri-focused partnership society with a direct and respectful relationship to the vegetable world, was destroyed as alcohol and other intoxicants further removed and refined from the source enabled dominator societies to quash shamanic systems and place control of the world into the hands of a small, male ruling class. The progression of human society is presented as a progression of consciousness-altering substances, each one taking us further from paradise, and the book concludes with a plea to a return to ecstatic shamanic tradition, beginning with deregulation of all plant-based substances.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You're a stodgy old fundamentalist who fears that a global embrace of consciousness-expanding will wrench from you your death grip on the world's power and resources.