Grimericks

Written by: Susan Pearson and Gris Grimly

First line: Dear Reader, please lend me your ear

Why you should read this book: A cute little gothy kids' book featuring twenty moderately amusing limericks about various creepy subjects (ghosts, ghouls, witches, and so on). The rhymes are clearly just vehicles for the delightfully demented illustrations of black cats with mismatched eyes dead little girls with birds nesting in their hair, and so on. Perfect for big kids with dark senses of humor. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You don't think there's anything funny about death. 

The Neverending Story

Written by: Michael Ende

First line: This inscription could be seen on the glass door of a small shop, but naturally this was only the way it looked if you were inside the dimly lit shop, looking out at the street through the plateglass door.

Why you should read this book: If you think you know The Neverending Story because you saw the movie very eleventy billion times in the eighties, you do NOT know The Neverending Story, because that movie ends less than halfway through this novel and the author hated it so much that he sued to have his name removed from the film. In the original version, Bastian does more than hide in an attic and scream the Empress's new name; naming the Empress is his passage into a magical land (here called Fantastica) where his use of AURYN helps him overcome every one of his numerous personality flaws, transforming him into a kid who wouldn't steal an antique book from an old man or hide from his bullies all day. It's a much more expansive and intelligent story than the movie shows, and Bastian is a much more flawed hero who requires much more from Atreyu, Falkor, the Childlike Empress, and the land of Fantastica then they every needed from him.

Why you shouldn't read this book: The narration reminds us, over and over and over, that chief among Bastian's flaws (and he's a pretty flawed person: canonically, his only redeeming characteristic is his imagination) is that he is fat and bow-legged. 

Le Pater: Alphonse Mucha's Symbolist Masterpiece and the Lineage of Mysticism

Written by: Thomas Negovan

First line: Religion is symbolism

Why you should read this book: Alphonse Mucha's 1899 masterpiece doesn't merely illustrate the Lord's Prayer, it illuminates its universal meaning through the use of detailed symbolism, elevating it from a Christian staple to a pantheistic truth about the nature of spirituality. Negovan's massive (12"x16") tome not only reproduces these limited edition plates in stunning accuracy, but also includes preliminary sketches for every illustration as well as copious historical and cultural details situating Mucha's work in time and place. A complex and beautiful book about a complex and beautiful piece of art. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: Now that I've read it, I don't know what to do with it, as it doesn't fit on my any of my bookshelves. 

Nobody's Girl: A Memoir of Surviving Abuse and Fighting for Justice

Written by: Virgina Roberts Giuffre

First line: Picture a girl sitting alone on a curb, her face stained with tears. 

Why you should read this book: This is the brutal and hard-to-read memoir of one of Jeffrey Epstein's victims, who spent several years of her childhood being repeatedly sexually assaulted and trafficked by the notorious billionaire. Giuffre speaks with frank honesty about her history of abuse, beginning with her father and his friend, continued at the facility for troubled youth where she was sent when her psychological issues overwhelmed her parents, and furthered by a different rich man who picked her up by the side of the road before she eventually found employment at Donald Trump's Mar-a-lago resort and was collected by Ghislaine Maxwell. Sometimes, but not always, naming names, Giuffre recounts her painful truths in excruciating details, not only the crimes committed against her by wealthy, powerful men, but her escape from their orbit and her quest to bring her abusers to justice. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: It's very heavy and almost everything that happens in it is terrible. 

Strange Animals

Written by: Jarod K. Anderson

First line: Green died and then he didn't. 

Why you should read this book: Following a very near-death encounter with a city bus, depressed and disillusioned city-dweller Green hauls himself off to Appalachia to reconnect with nature and encounters a natural world beyond the perception of most mortals. Following a terrifying encounter with not one, but two cryptids his first night outdoors, he finds himself apprenticed to Valentina Blackwood, presumably the world's oldest cryptonaturalist, and immersed in pursuit of a deadly killer. Green can see what others cannot see, so he can do what others cannot do, and with Valentina's help, he is determined to protect the natural world.

Why you shouldn't read this book: It's a great fantasy story, but I think I enjoyed this author's nonfiction work more. 

A World Worth Saving

Written by: Kyle Lukoff

First line: "A___! It's time to go! Are your shoes on?"

Why you should read this book: This powerhouse YA novel follows A, a fourteen-year-old trans masc kid whose progressive parents want to feminize him, forcing him to attend weird, cult-like anti-trans family meetings in a church, even though they're Jewish. When Yarrow, one of A's club friends, is taken away after an outburst at the meeting, A feel compelled to investigate, and is surprised to make the acquaintance of a trash golem, whose power helps him uncover an awful conspiracy: demons who feed off human misery and other demons who feed off trans kids. Suddenly, A is on the run with a girl from his meeting, meeting other trans kids who live on the street, uncovering new friends and new enemies, with the clock counting down for him to save Yarrow and return home. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: This is among the greatest Jewish YA fantasy novels you'll ever read; if you can't handle queer content, that's your problem. 

Queerly Autistic: The Ultimate Guide for LGBTQUIA+ Teens on the Spectrum

Written by: Erin Ekins

First line: Hello there! 

Why you should read this book: Exactly what it says on the tin, this is a thorough and fairly comprehensive book for queer, neurodiverse adolescents, which defines and explains all the terms and issues at the intersection of these three categories. While I found some of the writing extremely simplistic, and perhaps more appropriate to even younger readers, I recognize that some autistic youth might need the information presented very simply. While it doesn't spend much time talk about sex or transitioning, given that these are more adult topics, it devotes a lot of space to the subject of figuring out your own gender and sexuality, and what to do about it when you've come to some kind of conclusion, and the only thing I felt was missing in the entire book would be one or two sentences about taking care of your fingernails before fingering someone. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: While it is chock full of very interesting looking resources, the author is British and a huge percentage of the resources and some other information in the book is specific to the UK and would not be useful for teens in other parts of the world. 

American Dirt

Written by: Jeanine Cummins

First line: One of the very first bullets comes in through the open window above the toilet where Luca is standing.

Why you should read this book: Fast paced and gut wrenching, it tells the story of Lydia and Luca, a mother and young child who survive the cartel's assassination of the rest of their family and must escape Acapulco, join the procession of migrants traveling north to the border, and cross into el norte if they are to have any hope of escaping the long reach of their enemies. The journey is terrifying, treacherous, and punctuated by encounters with true monsters, but Lydia and Luca also meet kind and generous helpers along the way, and create bonds with other migrants. The writing is immersive and evocative, creating an intimate picture of the physical and emotionally devastating journey.

Why you shouldn't read this book: The author received some criticism for writing this story despite not being a Central American immigrant but it seems to me that her research was sufficient to tell it properly and well, and that gives a person the right to tell a story. 

Closer

Written by: Mirian Gershow

First line:

Why you should read this book: The impacts of several crude racist incidents at an Oregon high school ripple through the community, causing a series of unexpected outcomes. We view the incidents and their fallout through three sets of eyes: Woody is the school guidance counselor who desperately wants to help his students and address the problems in his school, but has no idea how, Stephanie is the mother of the bullied student, overburdened with other worries and responsibilities, and Lark is the girl whose best friend's life is the most changed. Everybody makes mistakes, but some people pay more dearly than others. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: It just seems problematic to me for a white woman to write a novel about racism that centers around how racism impacts white people. 

The Return of the King

Written by: JRR Tolkien 

First line: Pippin looked out from the shelter of Gandalf's coat.

Why you should read this book: I don't know if Lord of the Rings is the greatest story ever told, but this tale of epic bravery in the face of impossible odds is certainly very high on the list. By the beginning of this third book in the trilogy, every single character is convinced that theirs is an impossible suicide mission, and despite this knowledge every single character chooses to continue on their path simply because it is the right thing to do. Good triumphs over evil, but at great cost, and while there is celebration and joy, there is no true happy every after, because everything always ends, and what has been destroyed can never return (except for Gandalf, of course). 

Why you shouldn't read this book: The poignant, gripping thread of sorrow and loss woven throughout may cause grief and nostalgia for a world that can never be.

Kiki's Delivery Service

Written by: Eiko Kadono (translated by Emily Balistrieri, illustrated by Yuta Onoda)

First line: Once, there was a little town sandwiched between a deep forest and a gentle grassy hills.

Why you should read this book: The inspiration for the fabulous Miyazaki film, this book presents a more complete picture of the little witch who must set out to support herself in a new town with only one magical power: to fly on a broom. With patience and good will and creativity, Kiki begins to win over a population of people who are suspicious of witches and unsure why they should welcome one into their town, until eventually she finds herself a popular local celebrity with lots of friends who is known for being able to solve any problem. A sweet, delightful story about independence, growing up, and love. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You can't imagine anything good about having a witch around. 

The Two Towers

Written by: JRR Tolkein

First line: Aragorn sped up the hill. 

Why you should read this book: The fellowship shattered, the remaining members go their own way: Pippin and Merry, kidnapped by the Uruk-Hai, managed to escape and make friends with an ancient, sentient, ambulatory tree, who is very interested in their story about what's happening outside the forest; Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas enjoy a few days of ultra-marathoning in pursuit of them; and Sam and Frodo head south to complete their absolutely impossible mission. With the destruction of Isengard by the Ents, the emasculation of Saruman by the very much not dead Gandalf, the rallying of various noble men to the cause, and the return of Gollum, it almost feels like the party is making progress. Then everyone goes off again on further impossible suicide missions. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: Well, you have to read the first one first. 

The Fellowship of the Ring

Written by: JRR Tolkien

First line: When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday, with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.

Why you should read this book: The story of an unassuming little halfling who leaves behind a life of comfort and ease when he inherits a weapon of mass destruction that is too powerful to even be handled by any creature with more gumption and ambition than a hobbit hits different when you are actually living in a world where a dark shadow is indeed crossing the land. Accompanied by his faithful gardener and two adventurous cousins, Frodo Baggins sets off on a very long ramble, to figure out what to do with this insidious artifact, is pursued by unspeakable terror, is aided by the forces of good, and eventually finds direction and companionship. Determined to undertake an impossible and suicidal quest for the benefit of his entire world, Frodo is the hero to inspire the least among us to strive to do great things in the face of great evil. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You don't want to read one of the greatest stories ever told. 

Zarifa: A Woman's Battle in a Man's World

Written by: Zarifa Ghafari and Hanna Lucinda Smith

First line: The men wanted to know everything about Germany.

Why you should read this book: Educated and outspoken from a young age, in a time and place where girls were typically not allowed to be educated or speak in public at all, Ghafari gained fame and notoriety as the little girl who went on national television and demanded answers from the president of Afghanistan as to why her village had no roads and her school had no computers or English classes. Repeatedly blown up by the Taliban, defied by her family, and opposed by ignorant yahoos in her quest to finish school and reform her country, she never backed down regardless of how often people told her she couldn't do the thing she was already doing. Although the Taliban's capture of Kabul in 2021 effectively ended her political career and forced her to temporarily flee the country, she continues to fight for the rights of all Afghan people, and especially for the rights of girls and women to receive an education, to walk freely through their own streets, and to earn their own money.

Why you shouldn't read this book: Ghafari is tough, but she's not made of steel and her distress over the Taliban's murder of her father and their invasion of Kabul is palpable and heart-rending; this is a book about how you can fight your entire life, always do the right thing, and still be overwhelmed by evil. 

The Days Are Just Packed

Written by: Bill Watterson

First line: MOMMM

Why you should read this book: If you find yourself yearning for a simpler era, one in which the entire country was rallied around the philosophical musings of an impulsive six-year-old and his more mature but equally prone to chaos tiger companion, perhaps it's time to revisit the magical world of Calvin and Hobbes. This collection from the early '90s has it all: dissociative daydreams, rhyming verse, Calvin harassing his father, Calvin harassing his mother, Calvin harassing his teacher, and, of course, Calvin harassing the little girl next door. Just all around late twentieth century joy from a time where everyone consumed the same media and people felt OK about little children reading the news.

Why you shouldn't read this book: This work is not to be consumed by authoritarians. 

179 Degrees from Now: Four Stories from Just Past the Edge

Written by: Thomas Watson

First line: "She's too old for this imaginary friend nonsense," said George.

Why you should read this book: These four short stories hit that speculative space that sometimes leans toward fantasy and sometimes toward science, asking questions like "What if imaginary friends were real?" and "What if there was some direct connection between Charon on the River Styx and Henry David Thoreau on Walden Pond?" There's one about the multiverse and one that's sort of about a ghost, plus excerpts from two of the author's novels. Each story turns on a bit of a twist, the kind that is only available to writers of speculative fiction who know how to weave reality and imagination together on a single loom.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You're absolutely dragging your ex to hell with you if at all possible.  

A Piece of Cake

Written by: Jill Murphy

First line: "I'm fat," said Mrs. Large. 

Why you should read this book: An elephant mom decides that the entire family needs to engage in healthy living: no more treats, no more sitting around watching TV, just health food and jogging. Nobody enjoys it, nobody loses weight, and everyone is miserable. Then, Granny mails the family a beautiful cake, and a time of reckoning arrives.

Why you shouldn't read this book: If you have an eating disorder this might be kind of triggering. 

The Door in the Wall

Written by: Marguerite de Angeli

First line: Robin drew the coverlet about his head and turned his face to the wall.

Why you should read this book: With his father off to war and his mother waiting on the Queen, Robin is supposed to begin his training to become a knight, but his parents didn't make plans for Robin to become so sick he lost the use of his legs, and for every servant left to care for him to die of the plague. Brother Luke, a monk who is aware of Robin's situation (and that his father has generously donated to the monk's church) comes to rescue him, not just from starving to death in his own bed, but from his sense that disability means he can do nothing and has nothing to look forward to. With the help of the Brothers, Robin soon learns to swim, read, whittle, and eventually, to walk with crutches, so that eventually he has the confidence and ability to outwit an invading army and save England.

Why you shouldn't read this book: It's a bit of a quiet book, although there is a bit of action here and there. I seem to recall my mother trying to force me to read this book 40-odd years ago and me being so bored I didn't get through the first chapter. 

Fear of Flying

Written by: Erica Jong

First line: There were 117 psychoanalysts on the Pan Am flight to Vienna and I'd been treated by at least six of them. 

Why you should read this book: A woman whose neuroticism is only overshadowed by her horniness openly cheats on her husband while recounting pretty much every single thought she's ever had about sex and perseverating about every single sexual encounter she's ever experienced. This book was considered pretty groundbreaking when it was published in 1973: a female protagonist who speaks bluntly about intercourse, her desire for it, her experience of it, her disappointment in it, and so on, plus it coined the term "zipless fuck." The plot is pretty bare bones--she goes to a conference of psychoanalysts in Vienna with her husband, immediately enters into an affair with a psychoanalyst who is not her husband, and drives around with her lover (who isn't even good at sex, or anything else as far as the story tell us), thinking about guys she's had sex with and all the things that are probably wrong with her family, with some occasional thoughts about her career as a poet and what her own problem might be. 

Why you should read this book: While it actually contains a few kernels of surprising wisdom, the writing generally feels schizophrenic and practically nothing actually happens except, I guess, the 29-year-old protagonist grows up a little bit while deciding whether to pursue a second divorce. 

The New Girl

Written by: Cassandra Calin

First line: Bucharest Henri Coanda International Airport Otopeni, Romania

Why you should read this book: Leaving her grandparents and all her friends behind in Romania to start a new life in Montreal when she doesn't even speak French is hard enough, but Lia hasn't even gotten on the plane when nature throws another wrench in her plans: Lia gets her first period in the airport, and seems destined for monthly debilitation. Even though she's in a special language class where nobody else speaks French either, Lia feels lost, lonely, and increasingly frustrated with her inability to communicate with the people around her, along with her regular menstrual difficulties, which are also impacting her social life. But, in time, she does learn French, and she does make really good friends, and she does find ways to make her monthly flow less incredibly traumatic. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: If you're the kind of person who flips out at the very thought of menstruation, be aware that Lia just keeps getting her period throughout the book. 

Cry for Me, Argentina: My Life as a Failed Child Star

Written by: Tamara Yajia

First line: I was born in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Why you should read this book: This is the type of wickedly funny writing where you feel bad that you can't stop laughing about the insane, unsavory, and sometimes abusive events of the author's recollections, but you still can't stop laughing at them. Young Yajia gets a taste of the spotlight after her wildly successful debut stripping in front of her religious school to Madonna's "Like a Prayer" and pursues it with a passion, almost tasting stardom, until her parents abruptly yank her away from her goals to live in America. She is honest about her family's foibles, her own failures, her sexuality, her struggle with addiction, and a hundred other weird personal details (like the time a cop accused her of soliciting but she countered that the gentleman fingering her in a parked car was, in fact, her own cousin, and then she paid the cop to leave her alone; or all the times her whole family--three generations, led by her grandmother--drove around the red light district to admire how beautiful all the sex workers were) that seem too crazy to be true, but they're marketing this book as a nonfiction memoir so....

Why you should read this book: If you are easily offended, especially by sex, and very particularly if you were easily offended by the end of the film Little Miss Sunshine, definitely this is not the book for you. 

Never Alone: A Solo Arctic Survival Journey

Written by: Woniya Dawn Thibeault

First line: I heave a deep sigh and watch the water vapor from my breath--a small white cloud against the backdrop of heavy, dark clouds--float out across the ice.

Why you should read this book: I rarely watch reality TV and certainly had never even heard of the show Alone, but I was fascinated by the physical and emotional journey that Woniya takes in her pursuit of living her dream of pitting herself against the elements and thriving in the face of adversity. Dropped by helicopter north of the Arctic Circle in September and carrying only some homemade clothes, a brick of pemmican, ten survival objects, a bunch of cameras, and a tracking beacon, she rejoices in the freedom and possibilities of her frigid endeavor, enduring bitter cold and near starvation, but never giving up her sense of joy and delight. She nearly starves to death, but she never stops dancing, she never stops loving nature, and she never gives up on herself. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: The producers really did these contestants dirty; if they had dropped her off north of the Arctic Circle in April and let her take fifteen survival items instead of forcing her carry a ton of camera equipment and film everything she did from three angles, this lady would have been able to survive indefinitely. 

You Are My #MeToo

Written by: Joyce Lauren Kidlington

First line: I need to talk through things.

Why you should read this book: Part chapbook, part therapy session, this short poetry anthology lays out the hard details of an abusive relationship. Joyce is a bisexual cis woman battling mental illness while trying desperately to please a cruel, gaslighting partner who hasn't yet come out as trans. The relationship is over and dead, but the ghosts linger. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: It's really just about abuse. 

It Won't Always Be Like This

Written by: Malaka Gharib 

First line: Ugh, how lame!

Why you should read this book: Malaka's already out of her element visiting her father in Egypt, where she barely speaks the language, and she doesn't appreciate the fact that he's only telling her about her new stepmother as she's on the doorstep of his house. Who is this strange woman who has captivated her father's attention and how does Malaka fit into her father's world now that he has a new wife? Throughout the years and across the continent, Malaka learns about Hala, and comes to love her, and embrace her as part of her family, and then finally comes to understand her own place in her father's family. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You have very strong feelings about head scarves.