Moreta: Dragonlady of Pern

Written by: Anne McCaffrey

First line: Rukbat, in the Sagittarian sector, was a golden G-type star.

Why you should read this book: Another of my "I've owned this volume for decades and never read it" pandemic reads, this is the seventh book in McCaffrey's Pern series, although it's a prequel to the previous six books, taking place so far in advance that the characters of this book are heroic legends sung about in ballads in the later books. Ironically, perhaps, this story is about a planet beset by a deadly pandemic that kills people and livestock and threatens an entire human civilization, and even though it was published in 1983, McCaffrey very accurately predicts the behavior of humans when confronted by a disease of this nature: most grudgingly obey the quarantine, some go for the super extra social isolation quarantine variant, some disregard the safety measures entirely, and some pay lip service to the restrictions while earnestly believing that those restrictions don't apply to themselves and their friends. Masterhealer Capiam recovers from the illness, realizes that his blood must now contain antibodies that can inoculate others, and rushes to produce a vaccine, which Moreta must figure out how to deliver before the second, and surely more deadly wave of the plague destroys the carefully balanced infrastructure required to survive on their hostile world.

Why you shouldn't read this book: You don't believe public health measures apply to you, your friends, or you family. 

The Princess Bride

Written by: William Goldman

First line: This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it.

Why you should read this book: When I was a kid, shortly after the popular film version of this book was released, I wanted to read the original book, but every copy I could find claimed to be an abridged version, and being the intellectual kid I thought myself to be, I wanted to read the full version; only many years later did I understand the concept of the frame story, and the literary devices that Goldman was using terms of pretending to be abridging a more famous and less interesting work when, in fact, he was just very cleverly writing a novel. At any rate, this is still the book you imagine it is, more or less, and while there are things that were changed, added, or left out of the movie, it's basically the same story of a beautiful girl named Buttercup, a poor farm boy called Westley, and the series of event that contrive to keep the true lovers apart until they are reunited at last at the very end. The writing is charming, funny, engaging, and just really smart, and while young readers likely will not enjoy or understand the narrative asides, you can certainly just read the "good parts" if you'd rather. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: It's a good book, really, but some of it feels kind of misogynistic.

Beneath a Meth Moon: An Elegy

Written by: Jacqueline Woodson

First line: It's almost winter again and the cold moves through this town like water washing over us.

Why you should read this book: Poetic and haunting, this is the brutal story of a high school girl's descent into and ascent out of meth addiction. After losing her mother and grandmother in Hurricane Katrina, Laurel tries to create a new life for herself in a new town, but from the first hit of "moon," her hold on life begins to slip away until her demise seems inevitable. Shines a light on the stark reality of loss, addiction, and the meth epidemic in small town America.

Why you shouldn't read this book: Content warning for meth. Lots and lots of meth.

Root Magic

Written by: Eden Royce

First line: When Gullah people die, babies in the family get passed over the coffin so the dead person won't come back from the beyond to take them away.

Why you should read this book: This absolutely gorgeous novel weaves a rich story about two children who begin to study their family's ancestral knowledge, the traditional root work of the Gullah-Geechee people of South Carolina, after their beloved grandmother's death. It's the early 1960s and Jezebel and Jay must navigate a present made complicated by racism and classism along with the tangled details of the past revealed as they learn and grow and discover what magic is, how it works, and how they will choose to use it. A delightful page turner containing powerful messages about identity and empathy along with just enough spookiness to satisfy a young reader. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You're a crooked cop.

Between Worlds: Folktales of Britain and Ireland

Written by: Kevin Crossley-Holland and Frances Castle

First line: As Jemmy strode down the road toward Slane, he began to say praises.

Why you should read this book: It's a very fresh collection of very old stories, made excellent through the author's use of voice, which manages to summon the spirit of oral transmission while remaining accessible to modern readers, and imbues each story with its own character, as if they were collected and transcribed directly from the mouths of dozens of speakers. The tropes and tales are often familiar to students of world mythology and folklore, while retaining their specific regional flair, and impart elements such as setting and culture in ways that come to life as you read. Just a wonderful anthology of rich and detailed folklore, suitable for children, scholars, and dreamers.

Why you shouldn't read this book: Perhaps a bit more drinking and sex than in most children's literature. 

David Mogo Godhunter

Written by: Suyi Davies Okungbowa 

First line: This is going to be a bad job. 

Why you should read this book: David Mogo is a demigod raised by a wizard—he doesn't know his divine mother or his human father, but he's stronger and tougher than an ordinary man—and when his hometown of Lagos, Nigeria was overrun by a variety of god and godlings falling from the heavens ten years ago, it made perfect sense for him to make his living hunting down the weaker godlings annoying his neighbors. He has no interest in tangling with the big gods, but he really needs some money to fix his foster father's roof, so he takes a bad-news gig to capture the twin orishas of abundance for a dangerous and powerful wizard, and there his real troubles begin. Mogo has stumbled into an all-out war for the future of the planet, and he's the only one with the power to stand against the coming onslaught. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: Plenty of supernatural violence, and despite his power, Mogo gets his ass handed to him a lot.

 

Man's Search for Meaning

Written by: Viktor E. Frankl 

First line: This book does not claim to be an account of facts and events but of personal experiences, experiences which millions of prisoners have suffered time and again. 

Why you should read this book: One of the most impactful books of the twentieth century, Frankl's narrative is an exceptional source for all seekers of meaning, a philosophy to carry any troubled soul over the waves of existential crisis, an inspirational work highly recommended for all troubling times. While it is, in part, the author's Holocaust memoir and a terrible tale of human suffering under the most horrifying conditions, this is also, and primarily, the foundational work logotherapy, a psychological system that assures us that we can create meaning even in the midst of the most extreme suffering and tragedy. Ideas formulated before the war and refined in the dread crucible of four death camps offer hope in the form of a simple system that transforms hopeless and despair into a viable path forward through meaning. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: You totally have it all together and have never questioned the point of your existence.

The Freedom Riddle

Written by: Angela Shelf Medcaris and John Ward 

First line: It was finally Christmas Day! 

Why you should read this book: It is apparently based on a short story written by William Falkner, which was apparently based on a true story. In the antebellum south, an enslaved Black man named Jim makes a deal: it's Christmas day and slavery is, from a literary perspective, supposed to be nominally less inhumane on Christmas, to the point that a man who is totally cool with owning human beings agrees to allow Jim his freedom if Jim can tell him a riddle to which he can't guess the answer. It takes Jim an entire year and a few observations of the natural world, but he succeeds. 

Why you shouldn't read this book: I guess I'm personally uncomfortable with this type of narrative because it seems to mitigate the horrors of slavery and I'm not sure we need light hearted stories about human bondage, especially in a country where the evils of slavery continue to echo, loudly, through society and continue to harm living people.

Ordinary Mary's Extraordinary Deed

Written by: Emily Pearson and Fumi Kosaka

First line: One ordinary day, skipping on her way home from her ordinary school, she passed an ordinary vacant lot filled with ordinary bushes growing ordinary blue and juicy luscious lovely berries.

Why you should read this book: Setting aside the fact that there is nothing ordinary about a vacant lot full of viable blueberry bushes ready for harvest, this is an introduction for very small children to the "pay it forward" philosophy that suggests doing good deeds can have a magnificent and positive "ripple effect" in the community, and that anyone, regardless of skill or ability, has the power to do good in the world. Ordinary Mary bakes the ordinary blueberries into some ordinary muffins and leaves them for a neighbor, who is then inspired to do good deeds for five people, all of whom are then inspired to do good deeds for five other people. You get the picture: in the end, the goodness comes back to Mary, and she is a recipient of the fruit her own good deed, making this a satisfying read for small children.

Why you shouldn't read this book: It's cute for kids but it's not for cynics, who know that no good deed goes unpunished.

Changed

Written by: Tom Cantor

First line: Many of us have dark secrets that we want to conceal from others.

Why you should read this book: You should not. This book is appropriate only for lining bird cages or, in a pinch, as fireplace tinder if you can't find a more wholesome fuel, because even inhaling this content in particulate form is probably a bad idea. The nicest thing I can say about this book is that it appears to have been professionally proofread, so kudos to whoever did that work for hire without vomiting on the manuscript.

Why you shouldn't read this book:  I don't normally review irredeemable books, but I was surprised to find a less worthy and more egotistical tome than John Bolton's memoir, and this is a public service to spare others the discomfort of wondering what is inside this crime against paper, ink, glue, humanity, and the US Postal Service. 

Changed is a self-published biography whose author chose to waste millions of dollars to not only print his grotesque vanity project, but to forcefully distribute it to unsuspecting and non-consenting people, primarily those of Jewish heritage, through the US mail. Its content is misogynist and antisemitic, and its author, who claims to draw strength from Christianity, completely misses the point of Christianity, which is obvious when you consider how much money he spent on self-aggrandizement when millions of Americans are desperate for food and housing and he could have actually made a real difference in the world and shared Christ's values by giving that money to a food bank. I received my unsolicited copy in the mail, determined the bizarre nature of the package via lazyweb, and then subjected myself to its 85 pages of large print out of morbid curiosity. Based on my informal survey of other Jewish people who received this unwanted tripe, 99+% of these books go directly to the recycling bin or the trash. This asshole has spent a small fortune and burned countless fossil fuels generating literal garbage and delivering it to strangers' mailboxes across the country.

What's inside? Well, the story goes like this. Little Tom Cantor has an unhappy childhood because his parents are Jewish and divorced, which, apparently, causes him to commit countless "sins." His particular sins are not delineated, but they are so bad that he is sent to military school at the age of 7. (Military school is something that Jewish parents threaten unruly children with, not someplace that Jews typically send children.) Poor Tom is immediately expelled from military school. Eventually he is arrested for stealing records at 15 and is sent to boarding school in Europe, where he continues to get arrested and expelled from school.

Then there's a lot of nonsense about how much he hates himself (ironic given how intensely self-centered and self-serving he is), which goes on until he meets a redemptive woman: a being so very pure that her undifferentiated pureness can save poor, damned Tom from a life of self-loathing. Hallelujah! His pattern of unchecked behavioral issues and self-abasement will magically end once he climbs into the matrimonial bed and cleanses his member in her pristine aperture! He's very certain of this. But then—tragedy. Someone rapes his immaculate woman before Tom can claim the healing power of her pussy. This is a huge catastrophe, not for the woman, whose psychological ordeal is not discussed (he clearly doesn't consider women to be real people), but for Tom, because his means of salvation has been sullied by this violent assault. The healthy virgin vagina is now, in his eyes, "defiled," just like him, and can no longer rescue him from the calamity of his own poor decision making abilities and lack of serotonin. Rather than supporting the love of his life with the reassurance that her victimization changes nothing for him, that she remains perfect and pure in his eyes, and that he will love her with all his might and honor her body and her experience, he continues on with the narrative that he, Tom, is the only real person in the world, and the only one whose feelings matter, and the only true victim of this crime.

Oh, no! How will Tom ever feel good about himself again? Simple. He will embrace one sentence out of the New Testament (never mind the rest of the book), making himself the absolute lamest Jew for Jesus in the history of the generally lame "Messianic Judaism" movement. Now he is "clean" and so is the redemptive hole! Hallelujah again! Except, the woman is pregnant and apparently nobody can feel truly clean with a rape baby around. So they give that baby up for adoption and then Tom keeps "his" secret for years, until genetic testing demonstrates that you can't actually sweep an entire human being under the rug. Hallelujah a third time, because Tom is finally "free" from his shameful secret, which, I guess, is that he is still an unmitigated piece of shit. Now it can finally be revealed that he's an antisemitic, misogynistic hypocrite. Thank goodness he doesn't have to keep that under wraps anymore.

This book is a fucking hate crime. Tom Cantor, far from believing that he's saved, should recognize that he's a gross excuse for a person. If there is a hell and anything like a sense of justice in the world, Tom Cantor will spend eternity completely alone and covered in feces.