Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal

Written by: Mary Roach

First line: In 1968, on the Berkeley campus of the University of California, six young men undertook an irregular and unprecedented act.

Why you should read this book: With her usual dose of offbeat humor and increasingly shameless puns, the author approaches the topic of human feeding and digestion in a most unorthodox fashion, beginning in the nose (smell being a major component of taste) and moving all the way down. In her travels, she encounters professional pet food tasters, flatulence researchers, competitive eaters, and all manner of historical oddities, hoaxes, and medical mayhem. Roach is unafraid to tackle such dangerous topics as Elvis’s megacolon and chronic constipation, whether or not one animal can eat its way out of another animal’s stomach, and why Americans are reluctant to consume organ meat, creating a fearless book about topics that are, frankly, slightly difficult to stomach.

Why you shouldn’t read this book: Well, you certainly shouldn’t read it while you’re eating.
   

Nevada

Written by: Zane Grey

First line: As his goaded horse plunged into the road, Nevada looked back over his shoulder.

Why you should read this book: An outlaw with a heart of gold and a spine of steel, vicious gunslinger Nevada has been tamed by the kindly love of wild horse hunter Ben Ide, and his incomparable sister, Hettie. When Nevada draws his gun and kills again to save Ben’s life and livelihood, his shame at the Ides learning his true identity is so great that he rides off into the wilderness, leaving his friends heartbroken and determined to reunite with him at any cost. In the superlatively dangerous (and beautiful) canyons of Arizona, the characters play a deadly game with the most conniving rustlers ever seen in the wild west.

Why you shouldn’t read this book: The end is pretty much a foregone conclusion.

The Waltz King

Written by: Kurt Pahlen (Translated by: Theodore McClintock

First line: At last!

Why you should read this book: Johann Strauss is the wildly popular musician and orchestra leader at the heart of the Viennese fascination with dance music, and his son, Johann the Younger, is determined to follow in his father’s footsteps. He composes his first waltz in early childhood and is desperate to learn the violin and become a true musician, but his father has an artistic temperament that is by turns violent and morbid, and decrees that no child of his shall ever enter such an awful profession. Still, the younger boy adores music and will suffer no other fate than to bring the Viennese people to their feet with his original compositions, and history shows us how he surpassed even his father’s achievements, not only gaining fame and fortune, but also finding the love, peace, and balance in life that his father never knew.

Why you shouldn’t read this book: No child of yours would ever dare dream of going into such a disreputable profession as the arts.

Adopted Jane

Written by: Helen Fern Daringer

First line: Matron Jones pushed open the door of the nursery where Miss Fink was getting the babies ready for bed.

Why you should read this book: Poor Jane Douglas has led an unfortunate life: orphaned as an infant, frequently sick during her baby years when she would have been most adoptable, and now overlooked due to her unfortunately straight hair and unlovely face, she has never, as the other children do, been sent on a summer visit, until now. As the last big kid left in the orphanage over the summer, Jane is the recipient of two invitations, one to visit an old lady who, the matron hopes, will donate enough money to build an infirmary for the sick babies; and another to be a girl’s companion on a farm. Jane is determined to make a good showing of herself, to be helpful and well-behaved, and if she can, be seen as such a delightful visitor that she might be asked back again next year.

Why you shouldn’t read this book: You will never, ever guess how Adopted Jane, the story of an orphan girl, ends.

The One and Only Ivan

Written by: Katherine Applegate

First line: I am Ivan.

Why you should read this book: In this remarkable story, Ivan has come to terms with his status as a roadside attraction, a gorilla inhabiting an artificial domain in a circus-themed mall, whose best friends are an elderly elephant and a stray dog. But Stella, the elephant, has a chronic injury and the owner of the mall needs a new attraction, so he acquires Ruby, a baby elephant, who cannot accept her captivity as the other animals have, and whose future seems less certain and less comfortable. Ivan is determined to save Ruby, but if he is to have any hope of succeeding, he must find a way to communicate to humans the plight, and the needs, of wild animals living in captivity.

Why you shouldn’t read this book: It made me cry like crazy—way more of a tearjerker than Bridge to Terebithia—throughout the entire second half of the book.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid 7: The Third Wheel

Written by: Jeff Kinney

First line: I wish I’d started keeping a journal a lot earlier on, because whoever ends up writing my biography is gonna have a lot of questions about my life the years leading up to middle school.

Why you should read this book: Greg Heffley waxes nostalgic for the good old days when he lived in his mother’s uterus, doing nothing but floating in warm liquid, not plagued by his annoying siblings or schoolmates, and only slightly irritated by his mother’s early attempts to provide him with some culture. From there, the story moves on to Greg’s utter lack of understanding of how boys and girls relate, and what would make a girl want to talk to a boy, let alone go anywhere with him. Once again, nobody understands poor Greg.

Why you shouldn’t read this book: In the last couple years, I have truly come to despise this popular and budding little psychopath, who basically considers himself the only real person in the world, and sees the rest of humanity as set pieces for his pathetic little drama.